Zaleah’s AP Blog

 I was not at school today. I believe we would be given a little time to finish up group assignments today. We was told we were going to present it to the class. Part of me hopes that my group did not go because I want to still get a grade. I’ve been trying to finish my disease diary for another class all day along with some personal things. Hopefully next week will be a better week for me. Happy Halloween .

I can’t explain how my day has been. It’s a cycle I wish would come to a final end. I was able to read the ending of my chapter, but for some reason I found myself reading the same word over and over. To think my day isn’t over yet, I have to go to work . I wish I could sleep everyday. I’m officially stressed and over it.

 

 I'm lost. Not lost as if in woods, but lost mentally. I don't know what to do anymore. Yeah, I know this is supposed to be a reflection, but it ends up being the same. Everyday is the same. My responses are the same. Assignment after another accompanied by tests' and due dates. Not so much time in the day, but can't do anything about it because it won't stop for you. Time is something you continue to loose and never get back. "How long does this take? When will it get better lol?", I'd ask myself as if it's playing the role of a sarcastic question. It might sound crazy, but I miss having seven classes. I hate the way things are now. I'm disappointed about the way my grades look and unexpectedly there's other things trying to make its way in front of it. 

 I had a good day. I got a lot of work done and did really good on a test. School has not been my favorite, so to see my grades going up is a relief. Over the weekend we had a take home quiz for reading chapter 4. So far I like this book even though I get lost sometimes. 

 We read an article and answered the question on the back of card . It won’t let me upload. It was about a man and woman who went on a hike before actually starting their live, and it actually ended up being the reason of their future in being a type of biologist. Did the passage leave you with unanswered questions? If so, what are they? Some questions I had from the article are: - Was this something Amy really wanted to do? - Did she ever have cold feet? - Would they ever continue with hiking other trails?

 I literally have nothing to talk about. Actually there is nothing to talk about. My day was the same as it always is : it’s school. Mentally, I’m not even there. Mentally I’m in my own little world waiting for the 3:10 bell to ring. We was supposed to be doing our sources, but I couldn’t. My whole life consists of doing things other people want me to do, when the real question is what do I want?

 Today was what I would describe as, foggy. I don’t remember much of today. I was given some terrible news today and I’m not sure how to take it. It was actually someone else that reminded me to do my blog, when I’m normally reminding them to do so. Anyways, today I think we just talked about chapter two. We answered each other’s questions that we had for homework. Then, we was to work on our sources that I have yet to complete. I swear I don’t know what’s going on with me.

 I’m am extremely exhausted. My day was extremely exhausting. I feel as if I could just fall out right now. In class we was about to start reading the second chapter of the book, but instead we got it for homework. We talked about sex and gender in class today. Mr. Reese kept getting irritated, while the class paid no mind per usual. It’s kind of funny now that I think about it. 

 This weekend was hectic. I barely got time to do anything which is what brings us to today. Today was a bit pointless if I had to say. I did all this work to be told it was not good. I was really tired today, if we’re being honest I don’t remember much from first period. I’m curious for tomorrow’s lesson.

I had a better day today. I was able to get a lot of work completed. My first period teacher went off on our class today about a test that we took yesterday. I know it is only because he cares about us though. I didn't finish one of my questions from the benchmark because I honestly didn't understand the reading and if I don't understand the reading, how can write a continuation if the reading. I think we are going to finally start our class book today. I feel like I'm going to like the book, but I would rather have read the color purple because I watched the movie and wanted to see the differences between them. I wonder if there is a movie for the book we are currently reading.

 To start off, my day was horrible. It just keeps getting worse with no explanation. I have been ready to go since I walked in this school. I feel like I don't have enough time in the day, and the work seems to just keep piling up. In class we are supposed to be finishing the benchmark from yesterday. I don't know if I will finish in time because I was still on multiple choice yesterday. We didn't even have a full schedule yesterday because of testing. At this point, I'm just about to drop out.

I did not have the best day. If we are being honest, I didn't even want to come to school today. They was doing psat testing today, so we had a weird schedule and had to go to homeroom. School sometimes seem so pointless. For example, waking up everyday and doing assignments just for the grade. Everything is all about the grade and not retaining knowledge. I swear I take all these tests and assessments and have no idea what it is about. Maybe part of that is my fault, but isn't the teachers job to teach and if the student is not learning then doesn't that mean the teacher should change the teaching method and not always say "do your best".

 My day was really stressful. I had to wake up at 7:00am just for my client to reschedule. I rather had slept in a little longer. Then, I had to go to work at 4:00pm, but had to help my mom take down her hair first. I didn’t even know we had school yesterday until I started seeing buses. I ate Zaxby’s yesterday and went to sleep. 

 I obsess so much over school. I honestly hate school. I do all this work and studying, but still feel as if it was for nothing. Half of the stuff I and required to learn, I’m not going to use in the near future. I wish I learned more for the real work, like taxes and credit. One thing I hate is dress code because there is no dress code in the real world.

 That empty feeling inside that can’t be explained. The dark box that you can’t seem to get out off. The fight for air that can’t be restored. The weird thoughts that come to your head that cannot be explained. Being physically existent, but mentally gone. No matter what you do, if you don’t acknowledge it and get help; depression is something that doesn’t get better.

 The last image in my head of you is confusing. You look different from the image that was taken a week ago prior. Why can I remember your voice? What’s your favorite food? I hate hearing the answers from everyone else and not you. My memories of you are a blur. All I get is stories, stories that don’t make sense. Stories that are full of he say , she say. Stories that you could never clarify. It’s been eleven years and all I can remember is everyone’s face when they found out. Why did you look so different? I have so many questions, maybe you can answer in the after life.

 You are phenomenal. I am proud of your accomplishments. It was a long and rocky road. Yes, some tires blew and it was under the impression that the gas would run out, but you made it to your destination. I’m glad you finally realized that you are all you have. You are in control and nobody can tell you different. I know it feels like no one does, but I want you to know that I appreciate you and everything that you have done. Thank you for still being here, let’s finish the race out strong.                                                                Sincerely, self

 I did not mean for things to be the way they are now. I wish there was a way that I could go back and change. Change my actions, change my responses, and change us. You did not deserve that treatment. You did not deserve the hurt. I never meant to hurt you, I was just protecting myself. It it hard to understand someone when you don’t understand yourself. I am sorry.

 A time that I knew I was in trouble is an occasional time. I try to think about the consequences of my actions before hand. One specific time that I knew that I was in trouble is when I skipped school with some friends. I finished my assignments for the day and felt as if it was pointless to be in school. One of my friends suggested we go get some food and chill at their house. As soon as we get to my friend’s house, my mom started calling me nonstop. The first call I was a little worried, but I just brushed it off because I was under the impression she was at work. It the was third call that I then knew something was up. My mom ended up coming to the school to check me out, but obviously I was not there.

 Today was not my best day. I don’t feel good at all. My body has been feeling all over the place with no explanation. Physically I’m here, but mentally I’m else where. In class we are getting the chance to make up missing blogs. I appreciate the opportunity to do this because I know it will help my grade. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not failing or anything like that, I just won’t back down on extra credit. I don’t care for the break being so short, but at least we got one.

 Class was okay as usual. We was introduced to this new book that the class is about to start reading. The whole time I thought we was going to read the book, we was talking about preparation for a hike and what ten item we should bring. As a class we came up with some good ideas. I don’t know I am as excited as I was to read the book anymore. I really would’ve rather read the color purple or the coolest winter ever by sista Soulja. I prefer to read novels, they tend to make more sense to me.

I did not have a good day. I felt as if I had no phone. Throughout school I had no service and even when I got home. I did not even have my chrome book because the tech is working on it. I didn’t learn anything new in class today. We continued working on our group projects. Hopefully this uploads before morning. 

 I got checked out during 2nd period.